Mail Call
by Waves Crash
Summary: Hermes is delivering mail to the Gods and Goddesses of Olympus. Will your letter be recieved? Rated T for language/innuendos, most likely. R and R, and Send in Letters!
1. Chapter 1

(Okay, Christmas is long gone, so Tis The Season has no chance of continuation. I haven't actually written any fanfictions in a while! So I think I'm gonna do one! I'll call it...Mail Call! So basically, you just ask an Olympian God/Goddess from Percy Jackson something! And, Hermes/George/Martha willing, they'll answer it! Please tell me who you're writing it to, and then your question/statement/fanletter, and then who you are! Like so:

**Dear *insert name here*,**

***insert content here***

**Love and Huggles,**

***insert your name here***

You don't have to do the Love and Huggles bit, but I bet Aphrodite would just love if you did :P The Gods await your letters!

Love and Huggles,

Waves Crash


	2. Mail Call, Segment One: Hay-Hay

(Thank you beautiful souls for the five lovely reviews-AHEM-letters! Hermes will be thrilled!

By the way, I don't own PJO. Like you didn't know that.)

Hermes scuttled into the throne room, huffing and puffing. The majestic gods sitting in their majestic thrones watched him curiously.

"Are you alright, Hermes?" Hestia asked from the glowing hearth. Hermes gestured to his rather fat mail bag collapsed on the ground beside him speechlessly. The cacadeus clutched in his right hand seemed to shudder, and then the two snakes entwined around it were shaking with laughter.

_Hello, gods, _George hissed gleefully.

_Long time, no see! _Martha commented.

"What's going on with Hermes?" asked Zeus. As you can see, the king of the gods was not one for pleasantries.

_You see, _Martha started, but George cut her off.

_What my sister was about to say was that we want rats before you are told anything of importance._

Luckily for the gods, Hermes regained his ability to speak at that moment.

"You have gotten letters!" he wheezed. Each and every god leaned forward from their thrones, and Hades from his folding chair.

"Mail?" a stunned Artemis inquired. Hermes grinned exhaustedly.

"It's like...fan mail..."

All of the gods gasped.

"Fan mail?" Poseidon wondered. "We should read them."

"And write back!" Ares roared. "Teach them little punks not to write letters to us!"

Athena sighed from her throne over in the corner. Standing, she snatched the mail bag from Hermes and grunted from its apparent weight.

"What's in here?" she gasped. Hermes shrugged his shoulders with a sarcastic expression.

"You know, just the mail of the entire world. Nothing major."

Athena glared at him and plopped down in her throne. Reaching her hand into the bag, she yanked out five plump letters.

"I'll read them," she announced. When there was no conflicting action, she began to read the first of them.

"This one is to you, father," she stated. Zeus eagerly leaned forward.

**Dear Zeus,**  
**My mom is single and looking for a man. *wink* *wink***  
**From,**  
**VidiaPhoenix**  
**P.s She'll be at a bar on fifth street this Friday.**

****Of course, this prompted a glare from Hera at Zeus's automatic glance towards the door. Athena smirked.

"Father, do respond."

Zeus grumbled and suddenly a floating scroll of parchment and a ridiculous peacock feather quill was in his grasp. Hera smugly grinned at Zeus's obvious discomfort, while everyone else snickered behind their hands at the manliness of peacock feathers.

**Dear VidiaPhoenix,**

**I am sorry to express my regrets at not being able to meet your mother. My beloved wife is giving me a death glare and if I write anything remotely flirtatious sounding, I believe she will turn me into a cow. How I loathe cows.**

**From,**

**Zeus the Almighty King of The Gods**

Athena began to read the next letter aloud. Poseidon groaned and spoke, but his voice was not the norm. It sounded rather like a teenage girl speaking.

"I can't wait until next segment where this format is drastically reduced to more of a chat thing to save reader's time."

All eyes turned to Poseidon, who flushed tomato red.

"I don't know, I don't know!"

After a short pause of staring at Poseidon, Athena continued reading.

**Dear Hades,**

**Why do people think that you hate Nico? and Why do we not see or hear much about Macaria your daughter and are her and Thanatos in a relationship and if they are how do you feel about it? Tell Persephone i say hi.**

**From,**  
**macariadaughterofhades**

Hades made a disgruntled hissing sound that nobody could quite place, and then started scrawling out his response.

**Dear Person Who Claims to Be My Daughter,**

**People think that I hate Nico because people are stupid. Thanatos, nor I for that matter, know of a Macaria. I don't think you're my daughter. Maybe I should have a paternity test? ...No, wait, I remember you. Vaguely...And I will tell Persephone you say hello...maybe.**

**From,**

**Hades the Death Dealer**

Aphrodite looked up from her compact, her blue eyes widened.

"She's definitely your daughter, Hay-Hay. I remember when you met her mother. It wasn't one of my best matchmaking sessions, but it still worked out just fine!"

Zeus snickered.

"Hay-Hay?"

Aphrodite pouted adorably.

"What? It's cute, don't you think?" Poseidon leered at Hades much like a jack-o-lantern.

"Totally cute, Hay-Hay."

Athena sighed.

"Your immaturity astonishes me, Poseidon."

**Dear Aphrodite,**  
**I know you love romance, and all of the Percy Jackson series couples, but which is your favorite? I love Percabeth, (Percy and Annabeth) but who do you like to ship?**

**Love and Huggles,**  
**A Random Fangirl**

Aphrodite squealed. "I just love that ending farewell thingie! It's soooo cute! I'm going to use it from now on!"

**Dear Random Fangirl,**

**You're totes right, I do love love! It's the best thing ever! Hehe! But perfume is nice too. And heels. And fancy dresses. Buttttt annnnyyways! I love love love Percabeth especially, one of my better matches! I think Thalico could happen too, if it weren't for those party poopers Hay-Hay and Arty. I LOVE YOU RANDOM FANGIRL!**

**Love and Huggles,**

**Aphrodite**

"That was surprisingly decently grammar," Athena commented drily as she began to open the next letter. Her eyes widened slightly as she resealed it.

"This one's for Chiron," she explained. Her voice then converted to the same squeaky teenager's voice that Poseidon had posessed from before. "I'm totally sure that there will be a segment involving all the Campers and Chiron, totally!"

All eyes turned to her, and flushing red, she began to read the last letter.

**Dear Hades, **  
**If i'm your daughter please send me to camp half blood or at least tell me. If I'm not than can i become your immortal servent.**

**Sincerely,**

**Drea Dark**

Hades grinned scarily.

**Dear Dark Drea, **

**You are not my daughter. But I would appreciate an immortal servant. Report to me at ten o' clock on June 5th. That's when summer starts and more deaths happen. Charon will need an assistant.**

**Sincerely,**

**Hades, Amazing God of Death. Mwahaha.**

As Hermes dashed off with the new letters from the Gods, Athena pondered idly.

"I wonder if we'll get any more letters?"

Aphrodite giggled, adjusting her lipstick.

"I hope so!"

(I hope you enjoyed this segment of Mail Call! Love and Huggles, Waves Crash)


End file.
